"Probably thinks he's cooler than you"

It's been a while since I've posted anything.

I have been thinking a lot about this picture:

I have woken up happy a lot lately. It furthers my belief that I was meant to be rich. I would be much happier and contribute more to society if I just had a ton of money to spend. I would be the best tipper ever.

High Profile Rocker, Motherfuckers.

Today has been a Rocket to Russia kind of a day. It has also been, like most days lately, a Leonard Cohen kind of day.

I went to Borjo for the first time in what seems like forever. Great times... saw some familiar faces, though we didn't really talk. Tried to read the New Yorker but was disappointed by everything I read. The comics were tired and boring. The poetry was HORRIBLE. I can't imagine worse poetry. It was like something that I would have written except way more lame. I think it might have been a fake issue. The best part of my day so far was reading Calvin and Hobbes. I laughed out loud at least a dozen times. I wonder what it would take to give Bill Watterson some fucking awards. I mean, the man is responsible for the best comic strip of all time without even any real contenders. The only comic that is as re-readable to me is the PBF, which is so ridiculous that it's not even fair to compare them. I have had dozens of times that I was reading Calvin and it really made me think about deep and eternal issues. And everyone feels the same way, even dumb people.

I also had some amazing "self-discovery" on the drive home. Yesterday I decided that I would like to move to New York City for a year and not smile once. For a whole year. How cool would that be... then I could move to the Mediteranean and smile non-stop for a whole year. Hello Franchesca, I love you. Psh.

Your famous blue raincoat was torn at the shoulder... and bird is the word.

Thank you day, thank you week month bored.

Too much, Too Little, Two!

Quote of the day:

"If I was your girlfriend would you remember to tell me all the things you forgot when I was your man." - Prince

The past two days have been awesome. Euphoria and greatness. Though, I realized today that I am running. It feels good... but it's unhealthy. I need to stay focused, stay grounded, and confront the facts. Dear Diary, barf.

"Forever Changes"

It's been a hectic week, and all part of a rediculous month or so. I'm starting to wonder if there is a point in life where the cycle of sadness and happiness stops. It seems like no matter what happens, after a certain amount of time I am happy again. And on the reverse side, no matter how happy I am... blah blah blah.

I have been thinking alot about trying to be more genuine in the way that I deal with people, and it is starting to come together. I think that I am naturally guarded and referential when I deal with my emotions. I always relate my emotions to music or movies or books or other situations. Everything has to be compared to something else, nothing is naked. That has to change.

Also, I have to stop being a total coward all of the time. I need to start asking the tough questions and asking for favors. That's all.

Great Job Friends, There is a Hill

The time has come, all of my friends. I have officially seen my first ray of sunlight in the last month. I'm not sure what it means, and I'm not sure what the cause is, but today I felt comfortable. Today I felt like an agent in my own life. Today I felt like I was part of a family.

I think a large part of it is that I remembered why I gave up on my whole life a few months ago. It was love. I needed it. I needed to feel something more than just going through the motions. I needed to feel like I was needed in some way... and I got it back. God, it's fucked. But I got it back.

God this is vague as hell, but I can't help it.

Tonight I had some PBRs with Gabe at Winston's and it was a great time. We talked about movies and were friends. I realized that I have a problem with intellectually alienating people that I love. I have better conversations with friends. And...

Recording went well today. My depression may no long make this blog necessary. I can't think of anything to write unless I'm bitter. Damn. I hope the world dies?

The Barrier

In honor of this post pushing me past my previously understood limit of 7 for the entire blog, I will post a seriously disturbing yet comforting picture of myself. Also, Ian Curtis is using all of the depression in the room...

Wrong Album? Are you SERIOUS?

Tonight I was trying to listen to Zen Arcade and I put in Let It Be (Replacements). The strange thing is the correlation between Husker Du and the Replacements... the irony is killing me. The worst part is that it took me a whole song to realize my mistake. That is starting to become an alarming trend. Taking too long to realize that something is wrong... taking to long to realize that the Replacements is not Husker Du... god, I doubt anyone will understand this shit.

Tonight was another humiliating night. I layed down at the altar of goodwill and got royally fucked. Goodness, this is become an alarming trend...

On a brighter note, rock bottom is rapidly approaching and after that things can't get any worse...

Or can they? Damn...

I am sixteen years old again. I hate everything about it. It's like going through puberty for a second time. Maybe it's coming out of puberty?

In the words of Paul Westerberg:

"One more chance to get it all wrong, one more chance to do it all wrong, one more chance to get it half right, one more warning..."

Goodness, I can see the walls closing. It's physical. It's definately physical.